Unrest

What is this...this struggle, this inner confusion and unrest?
Tomorrow will be over as soon as it begins, so what is the matter? Behind...cramming...failing (okay drastic)...skimming...winging....hanging on the edge of things...I do wanna be silent, but i cant even get that as i sit here i am listening to other voices, trying to listen to Hebrew vocabulary and that's not even happening at the moment!

Funny? I am not at all and yet i must bring humour in it..how on earth am i to do that...so much preparation and anxiety and so little comfort..now i understand why so many of them never bother to use the skills and expertise that they have been taught--- because its draining and it threatens to consume you... I just wanna have it written on my heart, yeah yeah but for ten minutes (hmmm).... What are you trying to say to me? I find myself in the position that i am in most of the Wednesday nights...feel apprehensive and upset that he always seems to spring two chapters worth of vocab in the space of four days (how bout a little more notice)...

So while everyone thinks i am holding it together...I am losing it the night before the big three things i am doing tomorrow...i know its the plan, to disarm me...but it's lonely here in this time out right now and i just need to hear your voice, i certainly cant hear it when i am listening to keys tapping, printers beeping, computers running..i need to hear you and to know for real that I'm not on my own tomorrow at 11:00...that what i am saying wont just be another speech and prayer that makes no difference, that you will help me to practice what i preach...that you have spoken to me....
What is this...this struggle, this inner confusion and unrest? Is it You? Or is it me? I don't know...i wanna be still and quiet to wait and see, but help me..please