Therapy

I'm writing this after a class that I've just had...actually one in which i gave a stupid answer to a seemingly obvious question. I felt silly, not really because the answer was wrong but because i realised that i didn't think about the answer. Consequently the teacher said 'no, that's not the question think about it'. The twist in the open-wound was when another student gave an answer that impressed the teacher. I just said it because i thought it sounded smart and sophisticated at the time (lame i know that now)...

which brings me onto this...when in doubt of the true answer that you are seeking for, never ever ever settle for sanctimonious, half-hearted, vocabulary-packed, jargon-loaded answers and expect them to make everything alright!! It doesn't work, in the end you look like a professional fool who has no heart and feeling OR a silly student who wants to get into the teacher's good books and get the 'comment of the class' award. Forgive me God for being so foolish and forgetting that answers are worth looking and searching for.

Its amazing how one rejected answer can get you in the mood for therapy...as i am writing this the background music consists of two Korean students reminiscing on their puzzling day of English classes, in Korean of course, two valentine love-birds conveniently sitting in the light of the sunset streaming through the computer lab window, a group of students planning WISE week talking about prayer and its meaning....

There's so much to love and on this valentine's day it's hit me more than it ever has perhaps- love so deep, vast, wide that the lack of it drives people to the craziest extremes. Its deep too deep for me to be responsible for and accountable to. Love is God first and foremost and then everything else that he radiates. So I'm in love with the idea of being in LOVE [in God]. But day to day changes and i find that there are greater dimensions and more that i never imagined...yes it is bliss but it is scary at the same time because creativity is in battle with logic; the want to know a logical formula for life and all its issues, apply it and solve the equation.
I neeeeddddd Therapy.

Love is about therapy. Therapy for the sins, ills, dilemmas, identity crisis that i have had, do have and undoubtedly will have for as long as I am alive. Love is Therapy. In all it's forms and shapes, personas and weird colours. The kind of therapy i need that tells me that i will have loads of days when i give the expected answers, dumb answers, shallow answers or NO answers but that this is not the worst thing that could happen. The worst thing that could happen would be that The Answer is there if I am ready and willing to listen, however long it takes.

I need this therapy because there are days when love has appeared to me and yet i have not seen, smelt, tasted, heard or touched it because i am thinking of something else. Love is Therapy because it can be nothing else...it has an obsessive compulsion with soothing hurts, praying away pain, giving identity to a lost teen, qualifying the apprehensive individual, giving a good and eternal reason to live. Love that has the power to change the course of one's life, to endure the variables and inconsistencies of life and in the end (or perhaps in my case at the end of a lecture-day) to allow the human soul to breathe and say 'in spite of my slip-up, i learned a valuable lesson'. Therapy, whoever says they don't need it probably says so because they haven't had a session with my therapist- LOVE.

Aaahhh I feel so much better now...