Today...whooo what a day

I should be in my bed at this time...but...i need to write (i felt a compulsion, hold on let me turn this music off)

Today was interesting...

I met Amar. Well actually i called out to him as he almost walked by and he looked at me as i said "hey, remember me". I don't know what i was expecting (not a huge hug or a I'm-straining-my-vocal-chords- heeeeyyyy) but i wasn't expecting what happened. He didn't remember me. It;s been like ten years that true but i was his friend, at least he was my friend.

He was disabled in school and a lot of the other kids would not play or interact with him because he was 'different'. I knew what it felt like to be bullied and alienated and so i could empathise. I decided to become friends with Amar. I have never forgotten that Moroccan-heritage boy who sat in the wheel chair most of the time and walked with a limp on other occasions. When i left my primary school, i remembered him and hoped that he would do well and be joyful in life.

Today's 'chance' encounter, after 10 years, left me with several questions:

Was it friendship or pity that i offered to him?
Was i imagining friendship while he considered me to be another fake friend in different disguise
What more would it have taken, what more should i have done or said in order to be in the list of those he considers memorable?

He said he doesn't forget faces easily, i told him that i couldn't believe that he couldn't remember me. We stood there on the street, just outside of Barclays bank, making small talk. I knew that he wasn't that bothered about seeing me after all these years, he just wanted to walk away without sounding too rude or making me feel like an idiot or a random black girl causing a scene on the peaceful streets of west London.

He walked, with his characteristic limp, to his white beginner's car...I walked into the nearest shop which was a chemist because i was too embarrassed to keep walking down the road and be in view.

It's no earth-shattering deal...just a revelation. I believe that he is one of the friends that i wrote about in this blog a few months back when i hadn't seen him in 10 years.

Revelation: Some friendships are good for the present, it doesn't detract from its quality or worth, it just means that we have to experience everything now and not try and depend on tomorrow. Even when you have helped someone, its no guarantee that in accepting that help they are consenting to a friendship/relationship with you. Thank You God for revelations like these.

And that's just what happened in the A.M lol

I went down to High Street Kensington and went...SHOPPING...okay okay WINDOW shopping. Lawd knows that finances are stretched at the mo. I tried on some YUMMY shoes and I'm still dreaming about those mahogany brown leather slingbacks in JONES and dreaming that someday

I'll own shoes

that exude

so much attitude!!

Shoes and books....

I just went into Waterstones and let me tell you i tried and i tried and i tried to restrain myself...

BUT i must confess i left there with a purchased book...(secretly I AM NOT SORRY)

What is it about bookshops? The paperbacks and hardbacks, humour and poetry, art that entices you to read the blurb, blurbs that entice you to read a little....

Thank you God for books, for concrete visions and images and dreams and lives that can be entered into and experienced through word!!

THEN...I met up with my friend and we spent the afternoon together.

Omelet, hard-dough bread, fried plantain...pistachio nuts...some comedy...

FOOTBALL (Ghana vs. Brazil- I still rep for Ghana and let me say even though it was 0-3 I'm still proud that the black stars shone)

I loved today..cause it was full of sun streaming through big windows, revelation, anticipation, leather shoes, enticing books, humour and love....that's all a girl really needs.

Night night